Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
