We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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