literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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