I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize