please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
being pregnant is like rehab
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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