D3 body, D1 cock
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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