The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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