I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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