ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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