And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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