i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
