i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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