Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
