i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
