do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
