I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
