I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
