i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
