Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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