today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
