I wish I could punch you in the face.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
should my penis look like a turkey
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize