I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize