You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
