mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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