Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
