i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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