When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
