Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This toilet bowl is my home.
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