The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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