I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
