I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
