I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
