I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize