the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
