Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
