Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
