New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize