Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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