It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
