the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
