No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
