When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
