I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can Purell be used as lube?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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