Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
