As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
