I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
