Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
