If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
