this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
