Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
