He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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