He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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