Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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