I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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