I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
