You're my little dorito
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
