i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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