My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
