The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
