he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
