So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
