His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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