Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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