And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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