god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
